Update: March 10, 2017
Because my husband loves me.
Because I needed cheering up.
Because we are taking a (forced) break from fertility treatments. My functional cyst is creating dysfunction. It doesn’t look like IUI is going to work for us. We get to decide whether we go the IVF route or adoption. It’s not an easy decision. There was no pre-determined plan. There isn’t a guide book for this scenario. There are pros and cons for both. We don’t know how to make this decision; a very expensive decision without any guarantees. Update: I am scared of IVF – not completely sure why. I’m not sure I can do it. It’s a lot more invasive. It’s just – a lot more. We always planned on adopting; we thought it was going to be AFTER having biolog
ical children. Adoption will happen; it’s a matter of when.
I was really hoping my birthday present was a positive pregnancy test. I wish I could learn to not set myself up for disappointment.
So, this happened today. Birth control to get me pregnant, eventually.
Birth control pills
I. Can’t. Even. There was some ugly crying/sobbing. There was some choking up when sharing the news with the husband. He loving came home early from work to give me a hug. And took me to Chick-fil-A.
This was supposed to be “easy.” I was fine in the preliminary tests. We thought the swimmers needed… a short cut. Enter the curve ball – Clomid – and how it made my ovaries crazy (the doctor hasn’t said as much but I have a feeling it is)! Birth control makes me crazy but it’s supposed to suppress the estrogen that is a result of the cysts or visa versa. I haven’t wanted to take the time to study the biology/chemistry. I have already apologized to the husband for any hormonal rage that might occur during the next 28 days of waiting. Assuming I get over the extreme disappointment. Good-bye what was Round 4.
I have been pushed to the edge of my patience. I’m barely hanging on. Hence the humor because I’m trying.